In response to a certain post from a certain CWN

I was lost in a cloud of problems, wandering around in the darkness, unable to find my way out or even figure out where i was. Then from nowhere, like a beam of light, you shone down on me. Showing me a path to walk towards, a path that would bring out of the darkness and into the light. I'm still walking towards the final destination with you as a guiding light.

You might not know how much you've influenced me, but trust me, the light and path you showed me has helped me grown up much more than i expected myself to be capable of. You showed me reasons, truth and maturity in times of great dire. I feel as though i'm finally breaking out of a rut that i've been in for years, like my mind has cleared up and i see things much more clearly now.

I no longer see things in the constricted manner that i used to, i now see things with more sense and reasoning. You thank for me for being part of the few people that saved you. But the one that should be doing the thank you's should be me, you opened my eyes and now its my turn to help you through your rut.

Therefore thank you, thank you for being part of my life, thank you for opening my eyes, thank you for being my ray of hope/light, thank you CWN.

You are 'sempurna' :)

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

LOL this is THE poem, lol

Oh i'm alive and well, no worries on that...

I'm just hou chat lan bored.

Chapter 3 has finally ended, i can't totally say it was a happy ending, but at least to me it was a conclusion that i was satisfied with. In the end you did become my wonderwall and save me which i'm really appreciative of. Irregardless of how things have turned out, i want you to know that you have nothing to be sorry and i guess this was just how things were meant to turn out. With that i end chapter 3.

If anyone is interested in whether there will be a chapter 4, that i can't give you an answer...only time will tell. But who knows maybe as time goes by i might end up starting another chapter 1 somewhere else.

Making choices, ahh the most painful thing to ever do in life. Having to make choices are just as hard as following through with them afterwards.

I've made a lot of dumb choices, when i look back at it. I wonder a lot, how things might have turned out if i made a different choice, if i choose B instead of A.

Life's too full of choices, i hate that.

This will be a very emo, pointless and won't make sense to a lot of people post but then again when did i ever care.

Drifting, not the one where you cascade down a mountain trying to kill yourself. But drifting in the sense of people moving away and relationships disappearing because either you don't keep up with it or people moving so far ahead you can't even catch up anymore.

You know how they say that in your lifetime, you'll make a lot of friends but out all of this people only a few you would actually consider or even call a true friend. One that would be with you through thick and thin, have your back constantly and most importantly a person you could be with the whole day/year/lifetime and you would never ever get bored with them.

As much as i hate yo say this, i have ended up drifting apart from most of my true friends. Not because i don't keep up with them, its because most of the time i end having to make a difficult choice between keeping up with them or moving onto something else with somewhat of equal importance as them.

With that said, i really regret drifting apart from a few people in particular. To the point that it pains me to think that despite all the unforgettable memories, i gave them up in order to pursue something else which in the end always ends up hurting me and the person even more.

I've made a lot of bad choices in my life. Mainly most of them consist of me isolating people so that they could be happier or choosing an easier path so that it's less troublesome. And you know what, as bad as they were, i can't say i regret them because its already been done and over with, but if i was given a chance to turn things back i would.

Which leads me to my main point- You.

I don't know whether you know if this blog even exist or how i feel about you. And as pointless as this post is, i just need a place to write out my thoughts. I'm a man of few words and thats why i've chosen to express my feelings in a written form because to me its more pure and easier than talking. So if you ever read this, i want you to understand i'm writing this not because i want the whole world to know but because i just needed a place to empty all the thoughts in my head.

Like i mentioned, i've drifted apart from so many important people in my life. I'm starting to doubt whether i even have any human skills when it comes to people. And that is why i don't want to drift apart from you. Despite what we've went through and what has happened. I don't blame you a single bit because it's not your fault. What you did and what you said is absolutely justifiable and reasonable and i hope that what you decided to do was because you thought it was the right thing not because you thought that it would hurt me less.

That is why i don't want you to stop talking or even hanging out with me, to me you're an irreplacable existence, a gem, a one of a kind person that i believe i will never ever in my lifetime meet anyone as different and special as you are. You'll probably think i'm crazy for saying such things because the time that i've known you is definitely very short, what is one year when i've lived for twenty. But that is what makes it so special, i'm not one that shares my thoughts and feelings so openly especially to someone i've known for so short. The fact that i'm able to do it with you means that i really consider you as someone really special to me.

I don't want you to think that because of what pain or suffering you have brought me, you should take it upon yourself to just get out of my life so that its easier for me. Because trust me it's not. I want you in my life no matter how simple it is. Remember i said that bread was god's gift to humans as no matter what food you pair it with it is still good. To me you're my bread in the sense that you were god's gift to me and no matter what shit or stuff we have went through, you're still good to me.

Now i don't want you to think i'm so psychopath that's fallen deep deep in love with you because i'm not. I just really like you and i want our friendship to remain the same. And that is why i don't want to make anymore mistakes, especially with you. I've already lost so much in my life, this is definitely one i don't want to lose at all. I don't want to tell myself that its done and over with and that there is nothing i can do anymore. I want this to be here even when i'm dead.

And that's about it, my mind feels a lot lighter now with what i've said. If i were to continue it would go on much much longer. And if this post sounds very incoherent thats because my thoughts are split in so many directions i just can't piece them together very well.

To end it, would you be my wonderwall and save me? Save me from ever having to drift apart from you?

The dream came, the dream went by, the dream ended. That was the end of chapter 3 in my life. Ironically its ended with the song by All American Rejects - It ends tonight.

I hate dreaming about things that i want, i hate it being so real that i wake up regretting it never happened and i hate it even more when i realize that i might not ever get a chance to fulfill the dream. 

Finally you're 19... it felt just like yesterday when i first met you in theater class and i thought, "Who's that lala mui?" And now i've already known you for 2 1/2 years later, we've come such a long way. Surprisingly we have yet to fought yet but then again i'm pretty sure you don't do so is because you know how awesome i am :D In this 2 1/2yrs so many things have happened, its honestly quite amazing.. seriously one day we should really make it into a show. So here's to many more 2 1/2 years for you and me :D

Since you're 19 i wanted to do "19 things you would not know about tiffany unless you're name is pau or you're going out with her"... but then 19 is too troublesome so i've changed it to 10 instead!

89km/h in a 80km/h speed zone + Road block + 130 saman - 130 saman + 50 dollar saman instead with a "Nak saya tolong?"= Why Malaysia will never develop