Drifting, not the one where you cascade down a mountain trying to kill yourself. But drifting in the sense of people moving away and relationships disappearing because either you don't keep up with it or people moving so far ahead you can't even catch up anymore.
You know how they say that in your lifetime, you'll make a lot of friends but out all of this people only a few you would actually consider or even call a true friend. One that would be with you through thick and thin, have your back constantly and most importantly a person you could be with the whole day/year/lifetime and you would never ever get bored with them.
As much as i hate yo say this, i have ended up drifting apart from most of my true friends. Not because i don't keep up with them, its because most of the time i end having to make a difficult choice between keeping up with them or moving onto something else with somewhat of equal importance as them.
With that said, i really regret drifting apart from a few people in particular. To the point that it pains me to think that despite all the unforgettable memories, i gave them up in order to pursue something else which in the end always ends up hurting me and the person even more.
I've made a lot of bad choices in my life. Mainly most of them consist of me isolating people so that they could be happier or choosing an easier path so that it's less troublesome. And you know what, as bad as they were, i can't say i regret them because its already been done and over with, but if i was given a chance to turn things back i would.
Which leads me to my main point- You.
I don't know whether you know if this blog even exist or how i feel about you. And as pointless as this post is, i just need a place to write out my thoughts. I'm a man of few words and thats why i've chosen to express my feelings in a written form because to me its more pure and easier than talking. So if you ever read this, i want you to understand i'm writing this not because i want the whole world to know but because i just needed a place to empty all the thoughts in my head.
Like i mentioned, i've drifted apart from so many important people in my life. I'm starting to doubt whether i even have any human skills when it comes to people. And that is why i don't want to drift apart from you. Despite what we've went through and what has happened. I don't blame you a single bit because it's not your fault. What you did and what you said is absolutely justifiable and reasonable and i hope that what you decided to do was because you thought it was the right thing not because you thought that it would hurt me less.
That is why i don't want you to stop talking or even hanging out with me, to me you're an irreplacable existence, a gem, a one of a kind person that i believe i will never ever in my lifetime meet anyone as different and special as you are. You'll probably think i'm crazy for saying such things because the time that i've known you is definitely very short, what is one year when i've lived for twenty. But that is what makes it so special, i'm not one that shares my thoughts and feelings so openly especially to someone i've known for so short. The fact that i'm able to do it with you means that i really consider you as someone really special to me.
I don't want you to think that because of what pain or suffering you have brought me, you should take it upon yourself to just get out of my life so that its easier for me. Because trust me it's not. I want you in my life no matter how simple it is. Remember i said that bread was god's gift to humans as no matter what food you pair it with it is still good. To me you're my bread in the sense that you were god's gift to me and no matter what shit or stuff we have went through, you're still good to me.
Now i don't want you to think i'm so psychopath that's fallen deep deep in love with you because i'm not. I just really like you and i want our friendship to remain the same. And that is why i don't want to make anymore mistakes, especially with you. I've already lost so much in my life, this is definitely one i don't want to lose at all. I don't want to tell myself that its done and over with and that there is nothing i can do anymore. I want this to be here even when i'm dead.
And that's about it, my mind feels a lot lighter now with what i've said. If i were to continue it would go on much much longer. And if this post sounds very incoherent thats because my thoughts are split in so many directions i just can't piece them together very well.
To end it, would you be my wonderwall and save me? Save me from ever having to drift apart from you?
